Tag Archives: grief

When Death Calls, What Do You Say?

On Monday I wrote about the 12 Thoughtless Things People Say When Someone Dies. Of course we want to know the right thing to say when someone dies, but what can sound like the right thing to us does not at all sound like the right thing to the person who is grieving the death of a loved one.

granite cemetery headstone with American flag

When we choose our words for how they are heard, we can bring comfort to those grieving a death.

Here is a quick check list to help you judge whether the words you’re about to say are likely to bring comfort, or only more sorrow. Continue reading

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12 Thoughtless Things People Say When Someone Dies

Somewhere in our upbringing many of us were taught to not talk about death, and when death happens, to not talk about our feelings of loss.

An indoor columbarium niche wall of recessed compartments holding urns.

Chances are good that by the time the memorial service ends, the family and closest friends will have heard several thoughtless comments that people say when someone dies.

 

As a logical consequence, when someone dies, we have no idea what to say. So in a well-meaning but ignorant effort to provide comfort, or out of our own discomfort with silence or with the emotional pain of the loss, we open our mouth and insert our foot.

Sadly, ignorance is endlessly creative, and so there are far more than a dozen ways to be thoughtless with our words and inflict pain instead of bringing comfort and consolation. I picked these 12 things to not say when someone dies because I think they are the most likely ones we mistakenly believe are actually helpful. Continue reading

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Announcing Life Is Hot Cards

You may have noticed the banner across the top of this blog. It says two things – Hot Expresso, and Life Is Hot Cards.

Japanese garden with arched bridge over stream

cover: When you take a small step forward everyday
inside: It’s not long before you can look back and
see you have indeed made progress.
Know that I am here as you journey through
grief to reach joy again on the other side.

HotExpresso is the name of a business I started with Brad many years ago. The name comes from my last name, Hotchkiss, and the fact we’re in the business of creating expressions – in video – customized for your needs. By the way, espresso is derived from the Italian word for express since espresso is made to order and served immediately to the customer.

In the center of the banner, in between the two words, is a postal cancellation mark bearing the words Life Is Hot Cards.

I haven’t said anything about it until now, but we’ve been busy creating a line of cards for all of the hard realities of life that come our way. Continue reading

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