Tag Archives: divorce

What to Say When a Friend is Divorcing

Your friend has just told you that he and his wife are getting a divorce.

What do you say?

If you’re like most people, you can’t find the right words. You want to say something comforting, but you don’t know what to say.

Make no mistake, saying the right thing to a friend who has just announced a pending divorce is difficult. However, your friend

gray haired, plaid shirts, contemplative, somber

The right words in response to bad news provide comfort and support your relationship

knows you’re made of stronger stuff and that’s why he has confided in you. He’s counting on you right now, so it’s time to step up.

There are five parts to a good response that will bring comfort your friend. Continue reading

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At Least You Had a Choice

“At least you had a choice.”

I still remember the sting of these words when I heard them as a 29-year-old newly divorced single mother. The speaker was an older woman whose husband had died months before my husband and I separated.

white callas with purple throats, spotted green leaves

Your grief and pain is unique to you, no matter how outwardly similar it might look to others, and you always deserve compassion.

I was still in my ‘year of firsts,’ while she had passed that milestone.

I don’t remember anything about our conversation before or after that line. I do remember thinking that she was wrong. Continue reading

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Death vs. Divorce – Correction or Compassion?

Carole Brody Fleet wrote in an article,  “The Epic Struggle: Death vs. Divorce,” in the Huffington Post, how those who have recently been divorced mistakenly believe their experience enables them to relate to those who have recently been widowed.

brown sand, two small stones of equal size about 2 feet apart, each with a dark trail from receding water.

It does not matter that the cause of your pain traveled a different path to reach you, your loss is painful to you and you deserve to receive compassion and to give it in return.

She advised that it is up to you, the widowed, to correct the point of view of she, the divorced, chiefly on the grounds that despite all the outward similarities – financial uncertainty, emotional upheaval, single-parenting, aloneness, loss – divorce is a choice. Her advice is wrong. Continue reading

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