Tag Archives: control

What to Say When You’re Angry: the One-Minute Solution

What do you say when you’re angry? Most of the time, you can express yourself with just the right words. Being angry, at a full raging boil, is not one of those times.

bright white flame heating air in hot air balloon

Anger fuels a heated conversation, but anger will not bring you to your desired outcome unless you learn to harness it and make it work for you.

When you’re angry, what you want to say and what you should say are usually two different things. Saying the right thing is not that easy when you’re angry.

There are a few things that you can say that will make you feel proud of yourself, and won’t hurt your relationship with your lover, your child, your boss or whoever it is who just set you off. You just need the one-minute solution to be ready to say them. Fortunately, it’s not hard.

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Make a Commitment to be Your Better Self

My dad traveled often for work and for the various professional and service organizations in which he was involved. When he retired, he used his extra time to become involved in more organizations.

Be Your Better Self, White man in business suit holding speaker trophy

Winners know what is in their control and what is not, and they do not look at the past because it is not within their control. They look at the present and make a decision about what they control – their attitude and their actions.

In his later years he visited China, and he and Mom went to Australia and to several European countries. One October day he left the house early, drove five hours to a board meeting at a private university, and drove home again. He was in the basement riding his exercise bike when a stroke changed his life.

When he had recovered enough, he was told what had happened. Then he was told he was paralyzed from the bottom of his rib cage on down.

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Living Like a Puppet on a String

Ever instinctively know that someone is trying to control you, but you can’t put your finger on it?

rows of knobs on an audio recording mixing console

When someone is trying to control all aspects of your life, it’s time to persist in speaking your own mind and acting on your reality

You feel you’re being manipulated, but you’re not sure how it is happening?

Here’s a quick checklist to confirm your suspicions.

Manipulators pull your strings when they:

  • Believe their opinions, wants and dreams are more important than your own.
  • Believe they have the right to tell you who you are, what to think, feel and do.
  • Expect you to read their minds and know and meet their needs, without their ever voicing them.
  • Inflict verbal violence when you don’t do exactly what they want you to do.
  • Give backhanded compliments, when they give them at all, and manage to point out some flaw or short-coming at the same time.
  • Criticize your opinions and ideas, usually in front of others.
  • Constantly challenge your perception of your reality. For instance, you say you’re hungry. You’re told you are not.
  • Blame you or others whenever something goes wrong.
  • Expect you to change plans or make accommodations to suit them.

Manipulators are controlling and disrespectful because of hurts they have experienced in life and still carry around inside them. Knowing this is no reason to accept their behavior. Continue reading

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