Tag Archives: boundary

What I Learned Living in New Jersey

When I was in high school in Iowa I worked a number of part-time jobs, mostly in retail. Back then, I figured the primary benefit of those jobs was not the paycheck.

the words love yourself written in sand on the New Jersey Shore little waves rolling in

Experience every bit of life and let it continually reshape you.

The primary benefit was that I would learn something – about life, about other people, about myself. I figured as long as I kept my mind open to learning a lesson larger than the tasks required for the job, then I was meeting my goal.

When I moved to New Jersey 13 years ago, I took that same perspective: Stay open to what life’s experiences have to teach you. I thought I’d share 13 things I have learned while living here. Continue reading

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Filed under Truth

Speak-us Interrupt-us

Ever try to talk to someone who wants to finish your sentences for you? I’m not talking about someone who knows you so well that the two of you quickly get on the same thought-path.

Woman holding up hand to indicate stop.

Speaking over another says we believe we are more important than the person who was already speaking. We can hold on to our ideas until it is our turn to talk.

I’m talking about the person who constantly interrupts and won’t let you finish a sentence. We all deserve more respect.

When someone repeatedly interrupts you, you have several options. Hopefully, you want to do more than just finish your sentence. You also want to establish a relationship built on mutual respect. If you settle for regaining control of the conversation, you will forever be fighting the battle of finishing your sentences. If you take approach that others must respect you, you may lose out on a few conversations in the short-term, but ultimately, you will get your real message across.  Continue reading

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Filed under Respect

What is the Agenda? It’s None of Your Business!

You know that I stand for honesty, openness and truthfulness in relationships. But I also believe that these things need to be tempered by our self-respect, as evidenced by the boundaries that we place for ourselves on our relationships with others.

sand dune fence on the Jersey shore

How firm are your boundaries? Do they keep you where you want to be while allowing for exceptions and special circumstances?

Sometimes, we allow our boundaries to shift under the force of another’s agenda or in response to a more important agenda of our own.

You’ve probably heard that some corporations insist on shoulder-surfing the Facebook pages of applicants during the interview. Their agenda is to see information about the applicant that they cannot legally ask, information to be used as part of the hiring decision that is not related to the person’s job qualifications. Applicants, hungry for the job and facing competition, are complying. Applicants have one agenda: get the job. They may well allow their boundaries to shift, choosing to sacrifice some self-respect in exchange for a chance at a paycheck. Anyone who has been unemployed for a while has already sacrificed some self-respect just to survive. It’s easier to sacrifice a little more.

I don’t know what I would do in that situation. Continue reading

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Filed under Openness, Respect