Category Archives: Openness

Can You Be Open to This?

When we open our minds, we break down the barriers that keep us isolated from others. Being open-minded requires that we recognize others can

blue sky with large puffy cloud in the center

Clouds respond to shifting winds while maintaining their fundamental weather purposes. We can respond to new information while maintaining our values and our relationships.

believe or act or live differently than we do and yet still be in our lives.

When we are open-minded, we take the time to understand the point of view, beliefs and experiences of others. To be open is to show respect, even when we do not agree, or even necessarily approve of the other person’s ideas or actions. To be open is to accept others for who they are, not for who we think they should be. To be open is to love the person, even when we cannot love the actions.  Continue reading

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What is the Agenda? It’s None of Your Business!

You know that I stand for honesty, openness and truthfulness in relationships. But I also believe that these things need to be tempered by our self-respect, as evidenced by the boundaries that we place for ourselves on our relationships with others.

sand dune fence on the Jersey shore

How firm are your boundaries? Do they keep you where you want to be while allowing for exceptions and special circumstances?

Sometimes, we allow our boundaries to shift under the force of another’s agenda or in response to a more important agenda of our own.

You’ve probably heard that some corporations insist on shoulder-surfing the Facebook pages of applicants during the interview. Their agenda is to see information about the applicant that they cannot legally ask, information to be used as part of the hiring decision that is not related to the person’s job qualifications. Applicants, hungry for the job and facing competition, are complying. Applicants have one agenda: get the job. They may well allow their boundaries to shift, choosing to sacrifice some self-respect in exchange for a chance at a paycheck. Anyone who has been unemployed for a while has already sacrificed some self-respect just to survive. It’s easier to sacrifice a little more.

I don’t know what I would do in that situation. Continue reading

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Filed under Openness, Respect

Ever Feel Really Frustrated?

Do you ever feel really frustrated by a situation and with the people who are part of it? Of course you do. It happens whenever there’s as a gap between what we think we need and what we perceive is happening.

Frustration + Anxiety = Stress

As I write this on Sunday, we are in the midst of moving the contents of four rooms – big, heavy furniture, pictures, rugs, knick-knacks, and lots of books – in what at times feels like a grand game of musical chairs. I’m not sure everything will have a seat when the music stops.

Keep in mind we both work at home, so all of this disruption affects both of us around the clock. Talk about frustration! Talk about anxiety!

There was a time when speaking up about my needs in this kind of situation would have meant to me that I was being selfish. So I would have stayed silent. Looking back on those times, I realize my actions did a lot of speaking for me.

Fortunately, I’ve learned to follow a four-step process that involves a lot of speaking and only a few actions. When we speak what we feel, we often are rewarded with actions that close that gap and eliminate the frustration, anxiety and stress. Continue reading

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