Category Archives: Honesty

Coping with Holidays After a Loved One has been Killed

This week we will commemorate the one-year anniversary of the murder of 27 innocent people and the suicide of one mentally ill young adult in Newtown, CT. Since the

blonde wood chair, hardwood floor, living room

Nothing will bring back a loved one. We entertain grief as one of our guests for the holiday.

tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School last December 14, another 15,000 people have been murdered in the US. Every one of those deaths – including Adam Lanza’s – represents a family that is now facing the holiday season with a heart burdened by the senseless absence of a loved one. They bear a particular sorrow of knowing the death was as the result of a criminal and violent act.

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Helping a Grieving Friend Through Christmas

‘Tis the season for eggnog and grief. Christmastime is here and it can be a grueling and gut-wrenching reminder of the relationship that has ended for someone who has lost a loved one through death or divorce or discord.

empty leather chair, red plaid blanket, next to Christmas tree

Christmas can be especially difficult when someone is missing. Brad W. Smith, photographer

We can’t bring back the dead, restore a marriage or repair a relationship, but we can be a good friend to a friend who is struggling in this joyous holiday.

As a friend, it helps to first of all remember there is no time limit on mourning.

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Pants On Fire

Most of us are in the habit of telling the truth, as we understand it, most of the time. We practice honesty in everyday things like where we are going and what we are doing, and we are genuine and authentic in how we present ourselves to others.

2 profile and 2 full facial images revealed in the sand

When the sands shift and the face of truth is revealed, we have choices to make. We want to remain loyal to our relationships, yet we must also remain loyal to our own values and boundaries.

We do not live in the pants-on-fire red zone of a moral and factual truth-o-meter.

We expect others to be equally honest and truthful about themselves and their actions. We overlook the little lies to smooth over a rough spot in a relationship or the occasional taking of undeserved credit for a share of the work or success of a project. We expect that on the whole, others will accurately present to us their beliefs, values and personal conduct, and we will do the same. That’s why when we discover someone has intentionally and radically lied about these things, we feel violated and betrayed. 

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