Stop Blaming Others for Your Troubles

Stop blaming others for your troubles. If you want to achieve your dreams, if you want to live The HOT Life, then the first step is to take responsibility for your life.

spray of ocean waves against rocks

When you come up hard against a barrier, you can blame it for being there, or you can take a step back, change course, and find your way around it. Only when you find your way around it can you move towards your destination.

When you blame others for what is happening in your life, you deny responsibility for yourself. You also give others power over that part of your life. More importantly, you will never fix the situation. After all, if it’s not your fault, then there is nothing you can do to fix it. There’s nothing about yourself for you to change.

Until you’re ready to drop the blame and admit you have a role in the successes and failures in your life, you can never move forward. You are forever stuck in the past and doomed to continue to experience the same problems again and again.

The great thing is, as scary as it is to release your hold on what you think should have happened or why it happened, it’s only when you let go of that past that you open the door to better results in the future.

What Happens When You Stop Blaming Others

If you want to know what happens when you stop blaming others for your troubles, start by thinking about what you might be able to learn from the situation. Look at your troubles as an opportunity to grow.

It might help if you take a step back from the situation and view it from a different point of view. Look at the situation as a chance to discover what happens when you do things differently.

As I’m fond of saying, none of us are born knowing anything. We all have to learn. It’s therefore natural to do something wrong a lot of times before you get it right.

So the next step is to then admit that you did at least one thing wrong that contributed to your current troubles. Even if you have no idea what it is or how it contributed. Just open your mind to the idea that something went wrong that you control and that you can change. Do this even if you’re absolutely certain that another person is to blame.

The willingness to accept responsibility

for one’s own life is the source

from which self-respect springs.

~ Joan Didion

Let the idea that you did at least one thing wrong steep in the back of your mind. Come back to it a few times a day and check on it. You’ll know it is ready for examination when your feeling about it changes from discomfort to curiosity. How can this be true?

When you start to feel curious about it, take a fresh look at your troubles from a new perspective. You’ll be amazed at the ideas that pop into your head. Write them down, even if they don’t make sense to you.

Scan through your list. Some of them will be clear to you as obviously something you can do differently in the future. Some of them will cause you discomfort. Pay attention to those in particular. Pick one, put it in the back of your mind and let it steep. Come back to it often. When your discomfort with it turns to curiosity, how can this be true? bring it forward for examination.

Repeat as necessary until you’ve worked your way through your list.

Breaking the Barriers

Each time you move an idea from the discomfort column to the curiosity column, you have grown and progressed as a person. You’ve developed capacity to respond to life’s feedback. You’ve removed the barrier of blame and accepted responsibility for yourself.

Unconditional love for yourself doesn’t come from thinking that everything you do is right and wonderful. Unconditional love for yourself comes from acknowledging and accepting your imperfections as well as your perfections. When you can see yourself in your own true light, you can see others better as well.

Live Honest, Open and True

You can only achieve your dreams after you have accepted responsibility for your life. Stop blaming others for your troubles. I believe in you and want the best for you and know you can achieve the best for yourself.

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Tweet: Stop blaming others for your troubles. A blog post by D’Anne Hotchkiss

Tweet: Stop blaming others for your troubles. A blog post by D’Anne Hotchkiss

In what ways do you struggle with confidence? When is it hard for you to take responsibility for your own life, especially your shortcomings? Tell me about it in the comments or tweet me, @lifeishotblog with the hash tag #LifeIsHOT!

Related Posts: Love Yourself

Stop Caring What Others Think

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But Is It True?


Filed under Honesty

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