Recently I have written about letting people go from your life because they are not able to give you what you need.
One of my readers contacted me after the first post, absolutely certain that I was talking about him. He was incensed that I would put his personal life on public display.
Have you ever known people who automatically, reflexively, assume that any negative event, conversation or statement is about them?
These people cast themselves as playwright, director and star in a drama playing only in their heads. They don’t like the storyline, they don’t the action, and they don’t like the role in which they’ve been cast.
Convinced they are correct in their assumptions and with the show underway in their heads, they cast you as their critic and their audience and launch into a tirade, berating you.
This man had told himself a story, a story that made him mad, and then he proceeded to blame me for the story and for his anger. I listened to the man for a while, and then I said five things to him:
- There was nothing in the post that would cause anyone to identify him or the situation to which he referred.
- In fact, if he read the post from a different point of view, he might see how it applied to him but in a different relationship than the one he assumed I was talking about, one that he had just mentioned. (He was then angry that I had written about that relationship.)
- My advice also could be applied to relationships between many other people, and I gave him several examples.
- If you believe a post applies to your life, perhaps you should take the advice to heart.
- It sounded to me that he has at least two people in his life that he needs to let go.
We all steal our own happiness from time to time. We make assumptions that are unfavorable, and then become upset with our own negative assumptions.
When you find your have cast yourself in a negative story, stop. Take a step back. Stop being author, storyteller and star of a show you don’t like.
You have a choice to change your assumptions, or at the very least, suspend your assumptions and wait until you can ask questions.
Give yourself the respect that you deserve. Trust that the event, or the story you’ve read or heard, is really not about you. (Yes, there is a certain irony to this post.) Close the curtain on that drama. Why be the star of a bad dramatic show?
Life Is Honest, Open and True: To achieve the best for yourself, listen to the stories that you tell yourself, question your assumptions, and remember that whatever is happening, even when it resonates with you, rarely are you really the star of the show.
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Do you struggle with being the author, storyteller and star of a negative story based only on your assumptions? Tell me about it in the comments or tweet me @lifeishotblog with the hash tag #LifeIsHOT!
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