You are your own greatest gift.
When you speak kindly to yourself, listen to yourself, acknowledge your own needs and take care of them,
and when you trust yourself, you are accepting the gift of yourself.
Doing these things can be hard in times of personal struggle, especially when someone important to you is causing you to doubt yourself. This happens especially in divorce.
You trusted your spouse and believed him to be trustworthy, and then he went on to deceive you through lies, manipulation, abuse or exploitation. Perhaps these things happened because he was sick with an addiction to alcohol or sex or gambling. Perhaps he was abused as a child. Or perhaps his flaw was simply weakness of character and poor training for the rigors and responsibilities of adult life. Whatever the reason, you’ve now discovered that the person you thought you knew you seemed to not know at all.
You trusted yourself to make a good decision, and even though you may have heard a still small voice of doubt in the back of yourself, you put your faith in the basic goodness of your spouse.
Until your relationship reached the tipping point and you knew, or you were told, that your relationship couldn’t go on any longer. And then your trust in him was broken, and your trust in yourself right along with it.
Doubt Floods In
When that happens, you say to yourself, I can never trust another person again. And then you tell yourself a deeper truth, I can never trust myself again to make a good decision about a relationship. And then you tell yourself the logical outcome of those two statements: I will never be in another relationship again.
That’s a fine vow to make to yourself because at the time, whether you recognize it as a transitory condition or not, being alone with yourself is exactly what you need.
How cool is that? Even when you can’t see it, you’re in fact giving yourself exactly what you need at that moment.
You’re trusting in yourself.
Amazing, isn’t it? At the very moment you feel you can’t trust yourself, you’re in fact trusting in yourself.
Rebuilding is Slow
From that little mustard seed of trust in yourself will grow a bounty of trust.
Learning to trust yourself again is the first step towards trusting others.
The answer to what went wrong in your relationship begins and ends with understanding your role in what made it work and in what made it fail, and owning only those things that are yours to own. It may take time to discern what you own and you may want the help of a trusted friend or a professional counselor.
Trust that it takes two to make a marriage, or any relationship, work, and you are only responsible for the things that you did or said, or failed to do or say.
Trust that once you take an honest inventory of your actions and words and acknowledge them and then take action on them – holding on to some as good and discarding others as harmful – you have learned what you were meant to learn from that experience.
Anything more is needless self punishment and does not honor the gift of yourself.
Life Is Honest, Open and True: The next time your misplaced faith in another has shaken you to your core and you think you can’t trust yourself, know that you can. You honor the gift of yourself when you trust in yourself to acknowledge and accept your own needs and take actions to meet them
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