It’s Not Okay to Be Alone – It’s a Necessity

The most important relationship in your life is not the relationship you have with your parents, or your spouse, or your children. The most important relationship you

slender white woman, white crops, long white hair, sunny day, green vines and grasses around white pillard arbor, brick walkway

When you learn how to be yourself and how to be comfortable with yourself, you become your own friend, and a better friend to others.


have is the relationship you have with yourself.

Yet, it’s the one relationship we are most likely to ignore. In the face of all the competing needs for your time, it’s easy to forget to pay attention to yourself. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in what’s going on around you that you lose sight of yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert. You still need time alone with yourself, just as you need time with others. Spending time with yourself, alone, is how you come to understand yourself. When you understand yourself, your relationships with others are more meaningful and authentic. Learning how to be comfortable with yourself and how to simply be yourself brings a richness to your relationships with others.

Discover Your Fantastic Self

Being alone with yourself is the only way to discover your true, fantastic self. Learning to be alone with yourself can be hard.  Yet, it is the only way to learn who you really are, without depending on others to tell you. Like most things in life, you learn how to be alone with yourself by simply doing it. It gets easier with practice.

When you are alone with yourself, you learn about your strengths, your weaknesses and your insecurities. You come to understand:

  • You are good enough all by yourself
  • You value your own opinion.
  • You solve your own problems.
  • You find that you can take on challenges
  • You discover you’re capable of handling whatever you need to handle.

Step-by-step Guide

You can learn to spend time with yourself by engaging in quiet meditation, free from any outside distractions. You can do it through exercise or outdoor activities like hiking, biking or snowboarding. Or, you can journal or engage in a creative pastime like woodworking, painting or needlecrafts. You can do some combination of all of these things.

Living is not a passive activity. Living requires your active participation in your own life by nurturing your body, mind and spirit.

Once you get to know yourself better, you will want to nurture your relationship with yourself. This means you might also want to take better care of your physical self – exercise, sleep, floss. You may find yourself deliberating filling your mind with positive thoughts and new information – whether reading the latest novels or traveling to different places (even if most of your travel has to be by armchair). You may find it easier to find time to nurture your spirit with quiet times, with laughter, and by simply relaxing.

“You can search throughout the entire

universe for someone who is more

deserving of your love and affection

than you are yourself, and that person is not

to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as

much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection.”
~ Gautama Buddha


Your Personal Appraisal

  • How do you celebrate and honor your body?
  • Do you spend enough time doing what you love so that you love who you are?
  • When was the last time you had a good long belly laugh that lasted so long your sides ached and yet you couldn’t stop?

Life Is Honest, Open and True

Being your honest, open and true self is key to finding yourself and finding yourself is the path to establishing a good relationship with yourself. Once you have that, it is easier to find or have other meaningful relationships in your life. Today, make a pact with yourself to begin taking full responsibility for yourself by getting to know yourself, and by honoring your physical, emotional and spiritual needs.

What part of being alone with yourself is most challenging for you? Tell me in the comments or tweet me @lifeishotblog with the hash tag #LifeIsHOT


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