Just the Way You Are

Have you ever tried to change another person in order to make him want what you want, to move her point of view in line with what is acceptable to you?

tile floor, window wall, stacked boxes, 2-wheel cart

You can’t make others change to suit you, and you don’t need to change to suit them. Sometimes the right change to make is to move on.

How has it worked for you? A friend of mine spent years trying to change someone to fit her needs. It was hard for her to come to terms with the idea that he wasn’t going to become someone other than his true self.


She was trying to get love, when what she needed to do was to give love.

It’s natural to want to be in a loving relationship where you are valued, your needs are respected, your interests are recognized and your choices are accepted.

Yet, wanting others to accept you for who you are doesn’t keep you from expecting them to change to suit you!

Give up the idea that you have to change others in order to have love. Rather than trying to change them, or changing yourself, change the relationship. You can appreciate them, without keeping them in your life. You give love when you let them move on or when you decide to move on with out them.

When you stay true to yourself, you become surrounded by others who value you, respect you, recognize you and accept you for who you are. Those are the people who you show love to. They in turn will show their love to you.


Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable,

and remove yourself from the unacceptable.

~ Denis Waitley

Your Personal Appraisal 

  • Are you satisfied with your friends, especially your most important friends, just as they are?
  • Do you compromise your values to keep one or more of your relationships?
  • Is your most significant relationship with someone who does not share your values, is more or less open-minded than you, or in some other way incompatible with you?

Life Is Honest, Open and True: Honest relationships are built on accepting others just as they are and on being accepted just as you are. When you expect someone to change to suit you, be open to the question of whether the relationship should continue in some different form or simply end. True love for others begins with love for you.

Do you struggle with a friendship that is not working for you? Tell me about it in the comments or tweet me @lifeishotblog with the hash tag #LifeIsHOT!

Related Posts: Changes 

Courage to Change

Dealing with Change at Work

Why You Don’t Need Love


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