I was married to a musician for more than a dozen years. Before we met, he had very nearly become engaged to another woman. She was a string player and I had the
pleasure of meeting her about six years into our marriage. The music man would from time to time tell me that had they married, they’ve have divorced by now. I’d ask him what he meant, but he’d never explain further. He’d stay silent, unwilling to share what was in his heart with his life partner.
I dismissed the comment, assuming that he was thinking of some personality quirk. Or perhaps that two musicians should not be married to each other, although among all of our married friends, the rate of divorce among the double musicians seemed about the same as for those whose spouse was supportive and in a different line of work.
I assumed that whatever his reasoning, it couldn’t be relevant to our relationship because spouses share what is important with one another, they don’t stay silent.
But the truth is that people don’t always share what is important. They don’t always speak what’s on their minds or in their hearts. In tough situations, the words are hard to find. It’s easier to stay silent. To put off the conversation for another day. Or to hope that the conversation never happens at all.
A relationship wrapped in silence starves to death from lack of communication. Every relationship needs regular feedings of loving honesty and truth. Fortunately, with intentional effort, words can be spoken. Even when the truth is difficult to say.